I gave money to my college the other day. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know. But it was the first time I have given them anything since graduating 20+ years ago. I met some wonderful people in college, but for me it was a dark time. I was not myself. I was depressed, timid, self-conscious and scared. I set my own boundaries too small, and did not know how to break free.

For many years I blamed the school. It was just easier to do that than to accept responsibility. But I read recently it is now the #2 Green school in the country. I went back last year and had a lovely reunion. I appreciated the beauty of the campus, the quality of education and skills I received, the lessons I learned and the friends I met. It wasn’t the fault of my college that I had a lousy time. I don’t blame myself either, but I have learned to accept responsibility for my own moods, choices and pitfalls. I feel it was a vital part of my journey to overcome the inertia of that dark time. And, thankfully, I did. So here is my ode to Dickinson College, written after going back last year.

I was that person;
I am not now.
Through many a field
Have I since had to plow.

Rocks a plenty,
Weeds abound,
Still I did it! I’m stronger,
And I’m coming round.

I don’t blame the place
For who I was.
I don’t blame that girl
Just seeking a buzz.

It’s just what this lifetime
Has in store.
Sadness and confusion;
There’s bound to be more.

But I can sit now
And be with that pain;
In such a way
I feel that I gain.

The space that holds me
Opens wide,
And in its love
I will abide.

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2 Responses to College

  1. Suz October 28, 2013 at 8:25 pm #


    It is lovely to see you grow in to your own.


  2. Naomi October 28, 2013 at 8:45 pm #

    What a lovely, thoughtful post. It’s so easy to look back at hard times with regret or blame. Thank you for sharing your process!